Beatrice

"Yesterday, two wagons full of Polish ashes were taken away. Outside my office, the robinias are blooming beautifully, just as in Leipzig."  Gotz Aly, "Cleansing the Fatherland: Nazi Medicine and Racial Hygiene" 132.

I have been concerned that almost no hummingbirds visited our feeders this week.  I'v been making my own organic hummingbird nectar but they don't seem to like it as much as the commercially manufactured kind; like me, they seem to prefer the artificial syrup with the chemicals and the red dye added to it.  Something that always reminds me of angels is when hummingbirds hover around me and I can feel the hushed beating of their wings.  But hummingbirds can be so quick and aloof that they seem invisible, perhaps that's why I feel so blessed whenever they appear in my presence like *Spirits,* as Chardin said of Matter, "moving slow enough to be seen."  I miss the hummingbirds, but not as much as I miss the angels.

We feel blessed that a hummingbird has built a nest right next to our front door again, but we are so worried about how vulnerable those tiny blue eggs are.  Then the mother flew into our house and she couldn't escape.  We ran around like mad trying to save her.  She got caught up in spider webs and just missed the paddle fan blades.  tragically, she fell from the air and collapsed onto the floor in shock and exhaustion.  If there was a 911 for this sort of thing I would have called an ambulance.  I did not want one more thing to die.  We prayed and cried for her.

like many others I am looking fwd to the new Star Wars movie.  I think one reason that we like these kinds of movies is that against strong evidence to the contrary, it pretends that humans may have a future.  I know that many friends have given up on any sort of God and instead have become humanists.  Others have given up on humans as well and look to animals and nature to find meaning in their lives.  But animals too break our hearts and Nature may be even more indifferent to our death as god is thought to be.  Some even choose to turn their eyes to the worshipful wonder of stars and the study of clouds.  Sometimes I wonder if people, animals, and gods, have just spent too much time together on this tiny world and our relationship needs a little distance, light-years of distance.  But then no sooner do I exchange my crucifix, golden Buddha, (or golden Labrador), for a slide-rule and telescope, when I may discover that a planet killing asteroid is heading my way!  

Lynda cradled the wounded hummingbird in her caring hands while I tried to drip nectar onto her tiny beak.  We loosed her from the webs that bound her wings and talked to her about how her babies will need her.  Afraid that our god-like presence was disturbing her we set her down by some flowers with some nectar.  She lay still on her side for awhile but as we sat vigil and prayed she begn to lick at the nectar.  I was fussing with my camera phone hoping to finally catch a miracle, when she just leaped up and rocketed away!  We checked this morning and she is back on her nest.  The Force is strong with this one!  "Either you take in believing in miracles or you stand still like the hummingbird."  Henry Miller, "Stand Still Like the Hummingbird."   Blessings and obliged.